Some Fucking Free Country This Is [NOT!]

I am so disgusted beyond belief at what a fucking farce this so called free country we call America is. A country where States actively vote and legislate to take away equal rights and protections from citizens, tax payers, just regular human beings.

It makes me even sicker to think that many behind such evil wickedness are people who call themselves Christians. I feel so sick I could vomit and I feel dirty, ashamed, and reviled that I am an American.

Read on:
Court: Gay marriage ban affects partner benefits
Mich. Supreme Court says public employees can't share health care with same-sex partners
BY DAWSON BELL • FREE PRESS LANSING BUREAU • MAY 7, 2008

My sentiments about CGI too

I have never been a fan of CGI since they started using it, replacing actual models. However, the technology has come a long way. Now I think its ok to use with things like space scenes and spacecraft. However I am dead set against using it for life models. Meaning living things or things that are of a humanoid or animal nature. I also hate the fact that things like robots are all CGI now. It has such a fake look, especially when in a scene with actual human actors, and the movements are totally unnatural looking. Bring back real actors and costumes.

smoking is bad for you

Two funny things overheard and seen during my lunch break.

1- While right outside my office waiting to cross the street, I overhear this construction worker guy say to his buddies, "I'm so glad I quit smoking". Way cool. Even sexy I might say.

2- Seconds later, while still waiting to cross the street, this short woman next to me is struggling to light her cigarette while holding her lighter and her aluminum walking cane in the same hand with all finger nails clacking which were all about 4 inches long and all painted in the tackiest pink and purple motif with little flowers.  Hysterical and sick. What some people will do for a smoke.

Jawbone, I think I love you

I actually can't stand those Bluetooth headsets. I've tried 'em and I find them annoying. Besides I'm not a big phone talker. But this Jawbone brand of Bluetooth headset has the best advertising...

Even heros hit bottom

I'm not sure why I'm writing about this very sad story. But I guess I had one fleeting interaction with this man many years ago. And now reading about his story in New York magazine (Another AIDS Casualty, 4/7/08) has made me feel so sad. I hadn't even known about his heroic deep involvement in AIDS care and research until I read the article.

My brief interaction with Dr. Gabriel Torres was during a visit to CHP (Community Health Project) at the Gay & Lesbian Services Center in NYC. This was sometime between 1993-95, I think. I didn't have health insurance at the time and I was suffering from a serious cold/flu or some skin rash thing... whatever. It was a long time ago and I don't even remember what it was. Well CHP had a rotation of volunteer doctors who would see walk-in patients. It was just by chance that I needed care and Dr. Torres was on rotation. I felt so sick but as soon as he walked in the little exam room, I felt an overwhelming warmness. It may just have been his very handsome looks (see pic to right) or something else. I dunno. I just remember looking into his striking deep brown eyes and just wanting to melt. I was mesmerized. The visit lasted less than 10 minutes and out I walked with an antibiotic prescription. I've never seen Dr. Torres again until probably 10 or so years later.

Fast forward, circa 2004-2007. Robopapi and I still like to indulge and go out to big parties like Alegria every now and then. This is where I've seen Gabriel Torres quite a few times over the past 5 years. The first time I saw him, I didn't recognize him. It was only because Robopapi knew of him through GMHC medical circles and pointed him out to me once. He's still quite a looker of a man. Of course I recognized the name, but not that face. This man I see now looked ravaged. It took me a few minutes to make the connection that this was indeed the Gabriel Torres, the handsome Dr. Torres who I saw all those years ago. I was shocked that 10 years could change a man so much. But I guess putting 1 and 1 together, drug use seemed to be the obvious answer. I didn't really judge him about that since we were there to have a good time and so was he of course. I also didn't know him personally, so what could I presume. I knew nothing about him except that he was a doctor and he liked to party hard apparently.

After reading the New York magazine article I could never pretend to know what that man has gone through emotionally, psychologically, and humanly. He must've seen hundreds if not thousands of patients and friends, both live and die during those early years of AIDS and I'm sure well into the epidemic.

But his story still leaves me with such sadness. And makes me realize once again, that those who seem to have it all are just as fallible, fragile, and mortal as the rest of us, with one exception. They have much further to fall. I'm left with such sympathy for this man as I read he is now being held in the Tombs down at the court houses. This is nowhere anyone one would want to be, it's Hell. And I'm left with the senseless loss of how a man's life spirals out of control, losing his dogs, his home, his practice, everything.

I can only wish him the ability to save himself and the strength to crawl out of this gaping black hole he has fallen into.

Kentucky Fried Grandma

I gleamed this little blurb out of INSTINCT magazine from a volunteer at the Lexington, Kentucky GLSO/Pride Center. I found it so heartening, thought I'd share.

What's your favorite Pride Center experience?

"One of our Insight members shared a story with us. He's fifty-something now, but when he was eight, his grandmother told him, "You're not like other little boys, but there are other little boys like you. When you get older, you'll meet boys like you, and one of them will make you very happy." This story of family acceptance from so long ago encourages me to help other gay men learn to accept their uniqueness and to seek out friends who fee likewise.

Male Enhancement found on Ebay!

Robopapi sent me this Ebay auction this morning, Men's Enhancer Sling.  The auction picture at the bottom is hysterical. Now that certainly is some BIG enhancement!

I'm actually curious to try one, although the slim elastic band doesn't seem like it would hold up well (pun intended). There is however a thicker band version which I might try out. 

Jersey City needs gay bars!

That's all I have to say. 

And a good evening to all.

"The Brute" for my man

Our 6th anniversary just came and went. I'm not always one to be big on gifts unless I see something and think, OMG he would LOVE that. Well this was one of those times.

While passing Mantiques Mondern with my buddy EvilBuddha recently I decided to browse their arsenal of insanely cool stuff. They always seem to have a few Robert Loughlin paintings, which of course are usually way out of my price range.

I spotted one which had a metal plated robot-esque motif to it. OMG this would be the perfect gift for my Robopapi for our anniversary. Of course it was insanely expensive, but I pondered it over for a few days and decided I needed a second opinion. So I called my best friend and we looked at it together. He didn't like it too much and oddly the second time around I wasn't loving it either. I was a little disappointed but then I spotted another Loughlin painting. This one was really cool. It was painted on what seemed to be a round table top piece of wood. The colors were also really nice. I was falling in love with it. So after some thinking and finagling of my money between savings and such, I went for it.

I actually had to carry it home along with Robopapi, but it was hidden inside a large garbage bag. The painting measures about 3.5 feet in diameter. Robopapi was insanely curious as to what it was but he couldn't guess if his life depended on it. I was loving it. I said he had to wait till our day and then all will be revealed.

Needless to say, our day on March 20th came and I unveiled it and he was in love with it. Mr. Loughlin paints a lot of these cigarette smoking man paintings, but this one is super special. I've seen around the guy may be called "The Brute", but I'm not certain. But who cares, The Brute sounds good to me and he now hangs above our bed. This sexy man Brute watches us as we sleep every night amongst other activities. How hot is that!

NYC is a boring deadzone, now dominated by uppity straights

This is why I'm so over NYC, my home town where I was born and bred. NYC has gone to hell in a hand basket. Places like the West Village and Chelsea, traditional gayborhoods for decades, have been taken over by uptight scummy breeders and lousy straight-laced families. They are now trying to take away our freedoms and annual gathering festivities. I'm so sick of what these people are doing. If they don't like the open and outrageous, traditional festivities that on the West Village then get the fuck out and move back to your fucking boring suburbs.


Dear Friends,

This past Tuesday night, I attended a preliminary meeting scheduled by Community Board 2 (CB2), which serves the West Village, in order to prepare for the upcoming CB2 Street Permit Committee Meeting this coming Monday, March 17 at 6:30 PM. While many members of CB2 are in support of the The West Village Leather Street Fest, Assistant Secretary of CB2 and President of the Christopher Street Business Merchants Association Elaine Goldman is spearheading a campaign to stop The West Village Leather Street Fest scheduled for Sunday, Oct. 12, as part of New York Leather Weekend 2008.

Below is a list of Ms. Goldman's grievances:
• According to Ms. Goldman and the West Village residents she has united, a Leather street fair is unwelcome on Weehawken/Christopher Streets and the immediate area.
• Ms. Goldman claims that there are no longer bars that cater to the leather community in that area.
• That the area is no place for Leather people.
• That Weehawken & Christopher Streets are not indigenous to the Leather community.
• And finally, that we, as Leather People, belong indoors, and out of the sight of children, and not on the street.

Weehawken Street is historically the first NYC street to house Leather/fetish bars and clubs before popularizing Christopher Street. The street is itself indigenous to our people, which is why we would like to continue having the street fair there, paying homage to the West Village/Christopher Street area and the businesses that have long supported our community.

The West Village Leather Street Fest is geared to promote the community's visibility, education, disseminate information and raise money for organizations of interest to our community. Last year's beneficiaries were the LGBT Community Center and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). Much like Folsom Street East, held annually on W. 28th street each June as part of Leather Pride Weekend, the West Village Leather Fest celebrates an important part of our culture, enabling us to gather with peers in a safe & comfortable environment, leading people to educational resources about our community, while teaching them how to have safer, consensual sex. More than 20 of these kinds of events happen in other cities around the country annually. New York City deserves their recognition and share as well.

According to the NCSF, the latest Kinsey Institute Report notes 5-10% of the population engages, at least occasionally, in BDSM sexual expression and experimentation. Of the millions of people living in NYC, more notably the West Village, that represents a very significant part of our community and CB2's jurisdiction. These are CB2's constituents and the community board has a responsibility to embrace diversity while including all of their constituents, serving the needs of everyone within the community.

The West Village, and, most especially Christopher Street, is known as a place to buy leather gear. There are stores on both sides of the street that sell BDSM clothing, gear, adult sexual aids, risque T-shirts, and the like, all prominently displaying their wares in their windows. Local newsstands have long displayed adult magazines on their stands as well.The West Village and Christopher Street are home to the annual Pride Parade and other events done all year long.

Discrimination is discrimination whether due to race, gender, sexual preference or our chosen lifestyle.

Whether you are a resident of the West Village or not, we ask that you come out in support of our community, our rights, and the West Village Leather Street Fest on Monday, March 17th at 6:30 PM (see location below). We are also looking for any historical information or documentation about Weehawken Street to support this cause. Please bring them with you to Monday's meeting or feel free to contact me with any information you may have.

Community Board 2 Meeting
Monday, March 17, (St Patrick's Day), 6:30PM
Union 32 Building, 101 Sixth Ave (bet. Watts & Grand Streets), 22nd Floor

(A,C,E,1,2,3 to Canal Street Station)

Thank you,

Robert Valin, President
New York Leather Weekend
newyorkleatherweekend.com

This message was sent by: Leather Invasion, Old Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10011

What happened to the TOP men?

Since when is a TOP man all about what he won't do? Fuck that!

To me...

a TOP man is all about what he will do.
being a TOP doesn't mean he won't ever get fucked.
a TOP man is about taking charge...about being agressive.
being a TOP is a mindset.
a TOP is being secure and confident, and experienced.

I asked a top recently what he meant by being a 200% top. His reply was all about nothing enters his ass but a tongue. Oh brother! And silly me was thinking he would enter a man twice as much and twice as hard. Puh!

Happy Robo-Homo Valentine's

as Box said, "It's my job!"

Imminent upgrade; 4.0

My upgrade cycle is once again comin' round. This is a rather major upgrade. This isn't just a X.1 or a X.1.1 itteration upgrade, but a full whole point upgrade... 4.0

Bum’s Rush in Melody Dear

Anyone who knows me, knows I hate this holiday season. I usually start off hating it, then start to like it, when all of a sudden I hit that limit of disgust from all the commercialization being rammed down my throat. Plus the fact that for the first time I'm now in dept due to spending because everyone has to have a gift. I can vomit.

This year seems worse than ever. I started seeing Christmas crap just before Halloween started. OMG, you fucking marketers listen up, people DO NOT like it. It's disgusting. Slow down. What's the fucking rush!? Can't we all take it slower and actually ENJOY all these holidays instead of running right over them, not stopping on GO, and not collecitng $200?

Dammit, I want to enjoy each holiday and give it time. Before I know it, I'll be 50 at this rate. Well anyway, bah humbug and all that. Here's to good wishes to everyone...

The Bitches of NYC

Yet another stupid kunt bitch story. I think I'm gonna start a new blog series called the Bitches of NYC. It even soiunds good. I seem to be coming into contact with a lot of them lately. Last week's incident was (Daddy vs the Bitch) about the heartless bitch who insisted on taking my taxi cab even though I had my newly adopted cat with me freezing in the rain.

So yesterday, me and Robopapi were walking down 7th Avenue in Chelsea. We had just stopped in the pet store to buy up some kitty food and I was holding the bag. These cans are identical to a tuna can and I had about 8 or 10 of them in my plastic bag, so understandably it was a tad bit heavy. So we're walking leisurely and this Bitch Jogger comes jogging by, not even looking where she's going and she runs right into my bag. Mind you I was just walking along minding my own business as a typical pedestrian. So she runs smack into my bad and screams out loud "OWE OWE OWE, THAT HURT". All the while she is still jogging on while looking back at me with her goddamn iPod headphones on and screaming at me. She called me a BITCH, which elicited hysterical laughter from these two guys nearby who saw and heard the whole exchange. They were cracking up, and so were we. I felt no remorse in a this situation where I would otherwise feel great sympathy. But that bitch deserved none of it.

I just can't believe what the fuck is wrong with people lately. This stupid bitch runs into my bag, hurts herself and somehow it's my fault. NOT. She deserved it, for not looking where she was going and for thinking as a jogger on a busy sidewalk that she somehow had the right to bang into me and expect that she was in the right. Well who's hurting now, you stupid skinny bitch!? OK, now I'm laughing. Make it stop, it hurts.

Tutu amazing

I think I'm in love this man, Desmond Tutu, not because he seems pro-gay, but because he is pro-humanity. I'm an atheist but Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu has shown me that a very religious man can have a mind of his own, a free-thinker, yet still have a belief. And I highly honor and respect that.

Tutu blasts Anglican church for gay 'obsession'

Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, has slammed the church for being "obsessed" with homosexuality, in a BBC radio programme to be broadcast Tuesday. The South African 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner, 76-year-old, said he felt ashamed of his church for its attitude towards gays. He also criticised Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the leader of the world's Anglicans, for not demonstrating the attributes of a "welcoming God.""Our world is facing problems, poverty, HIV and AIDS, a devastating pandemic, and conflict," Tutu said. "God must be weeping looking at some of the atrocities that we commit against one another. "In the face of all of that, our Church, especially the Anglican Church, at this time is almost obsessed with questions of human sexuality." He said the Anglican church had appeared "extraordinarily homophobic" during the row over whether the openly gay priest Gene Robinson should be allowed to become the Bishop of New Hampshire. Tutu said he was "saddened and "ashamed" of the church over the row. Asked if he still felt ashamed, he replied: "If we are going to not welcome or invite people because of sexual orientation, yes. If God as they say is homophobic I wouldn't worship that God." Tutu hit out at those religious conservatives who believe homosexuality is a choice. "It is a perversion if you say to me that a person chooses to be homosexual," he said. "You must be crazy to choose a way of life that exposes you to a kind of hatred. It's like saying you choose to be black in a race infected society."

Source AFP

Daddy vs the Bitch

Wow sometimes I'm truly shocked and disgusted by people's heartless assholishness. I have a little story to tell which illustrates how heartless and fucked up some people are in this world. But I turned it out and dished this bitch 10-fold.

Friday night me and Robopapi adopted a little girl cat to keep our boy cat company. He's been spying on these other cats from the living room windows a lot lately and is always looking for them. We felt he really wanted to have some companionship. So we decided to adopt another cat, a slightly younger female since he was used to our little Taffy girl who passed away last year.

We adopted from KittyKind which has an adoption center in the Union Square Petco store. When we finally left the store it was pouring rain and cold outside. Poor little Stella (the cats name) was cold and in a kitty carrier, no insulation. Getting a cab in NYC in this weather is nearly impossible.

We crossed the street on Broadway looking for a cab, finally I spotted someone getting out of a mini-van cab across the street. We started to try and cross but traffic was coming and I told Robopapi not to cross until we had the light. I didn't want an untimely accident. That would suck. Finally I was able to run for the cab. But of course wouldn't you know some asshole stepped in front of me and ran for it. I ran too and got to the cab at the same time. I told the girl standing in front of me that I was waiting for that cab and I had a cat in a cage that I need to get home urgently. This fucking c**t b**ch had the nerve to tell me she needed to get to Grand Central Station. I looked at her in complete horror as she ignored my plea to get my cat in some shelter and home. This time I raised my voice and told her again that I had a little cat who was cold and needed to get her inside NOW. This bi**h told me she got to the cab first. This fucking c**t was actually going to stand there and argue with me. So being the daddy of our new little kitty I pulled a real New Yorker Daddy on her. I realized I am not going to stand her arguing with this fucked up selfish bitch c**t. I'm taking this cab and that's it. I stepped in front of her, threw my bags in the cab and told Robopapi to hand me the cat carrier and get in the cab NOW. And that was that. I felt so Sigourney Weaver like, get away from that cab you BITCH!

C**ty little miss b**th-whore walked away and yelled at me, saying I was a jerk. Oh the pain the pain! Yeah right! I yelled back at her and told her she was a heartless bitch and my cat thinks the same too. Needless to say my little family with cat were all in the cab safe and sound and warm on our way home. I felt quite proud and quite the Daddy.

Instant Message Hilarity

I find instant message stalkers quite hilarious. Especially when they're looking for somehting specific and I don't fit the bill, yet they keep asking for it. I totally imagine they're tweaking on tina or some other delicious substance (actually I hate tina) and simply looking to webcam and whack-off with me and shoot their loads all over their nice new computing equipment. Heck I've done that myself.

I was IM'd today by some muscle bound guy I don't even know. Nope, never heard of him. I love the way he's looking for other muscle guys and asks me if I am. I pretty clearly tell him I'm not, more than once. Her'e the transcript:

4:06:38 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: c2c?
4:07:50 PM Erik: hi
4:08:01 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: u built
4:08:20 PM Erik: i'm just a little guy. 5'6" 133#
4:08:27 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: ripped?
4:08:29 PM Erik: opps 153#
4:08:36 PM Erik: no
4:08:42 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: can i see?
4:09:29 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: i need to get off how bout u?
4:09:33 PM Erik: http://www.BigMuscle.com/~RoboCubs
4:10:05 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: which one are you?
4:10:10 PM Erik: white
4:10:21 PM Erik: what about you?
4:10:27 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: very nice looking!
4:10:38 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: very
4:10:51 PM Erik: @work now. can't play
4:10:58 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: too bad
4:11:16 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: im in need of a muscle guy to get off with
4:11:45 PM Erik: unless you have a magic pill and I can sprout muscles in 5 minutes, I can't help ya
4:11:52 PM bigmuscleguy_4_show: lol

100 is nothing to be proud of

I am so disgusted an appalled by the American laziness. I suppose if it's not voting by your cellphone for American Idol, it's just not worth doing. Fuck this, this will be our demise. How do you spell America? L-A-Z-I-N-E-S-S.

We cast our votes last night on the way home and were appalled to find out that we were #97 and #98 who came in to vote in our area. Two more came right after us with nearly 5 minutes till the polls closed. Wow, we made 100. Sick! I'm not sure how many voting centers there are in Jersey City since it's a rather large area. I was equally appalled at the nearly zero signage indicating where our polling place was. I only knew to go there because I knew exactly where it was from the mailing I received after I registered to vote.

Sad, so so sad.

Atlantis 2007

Not many words to explain it, because pictures speak volumes. Yes that's the look of real joy folks. Yet another awesome time was had on our third Atlantis cruise to Mexico. What more fun could be had than being on board a humongous cruise ship with 2000+ other gay men of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. Whatever. It's called F-U-N. Everyone should have a little.



And I have to say we had just a little bit o' fun, but not too much.

Finally, the Final Cut

We came...we saw. Now its all history. All I can say I just don't ever remember the love scene between Deckard and Rachel being soooo corny.

I prefer my Blade Runner uncut and thick

It seems insane that it's been 25 years since the original theatrical release of Blade Runner, which happens to be my absolute favorite movie of all time. I was but 14 years old when I saw it with my uncle, that changed my life forever. To me, that movie was perfectly cast, perfectly written, perfectly acted, perfectly produced, perfectly directed, perfectly scored (a Vangelis masterpiece), technically perfect, just perfect.

Over the decades Blade Runner has been re-released in various "other" cuts; Director's, Unrated, Rated-R, original release, etc etc. My favorite is still the original theatrical release (I actually still have the original release VHS tape which I'll keep forever) complete with voice-over naration and "happy-ending", which apparently most audiences hated. Fuck them all! Deckard's narration was necessary. And riding off into the country-side left the movie open and the audience wondering, what will happen to Rachel and Decard? WIll Rachel have a normal life or outlive everyone? As Deckard says at the end, "who knows...". I think the narration added to the film and clued me in to what was happening. I've often imagined seeing the movie for the first time, sans narration and thought I'd be scratching my head thinking WTF is happening here. And the ending, simply left the story open to reality of never knowing how people's lives will continue on.

So now Blade Runner celebrates it's 25th anniversary (Silver), both on DVD and a special two-week long screening engagement at the Zigfield in NYC and a theater in LA. I've already got tickets for the Zigfield on Sunday.

I had seen it about 10 years ago at a special festival screening at Radio City Music Hall (one of the most amazingly beautiful and largest theaters in the world). The place "came together" as they say in the Voguing Balls. Every Blade Runner fan was there complete with flourescent light stick umbrellas and costumes. It was truly an event to behold, and I have a similar expectation for this Silver event. I can't wait, I'm creaming in my pants. For real!

FLUSHED!

Don't know what took me so long but I finally flushed my MySpace.com profile down the internet toilet.

Farewell to all those endless creepy robot stalker whore chics named Britney or Sabrina.

Farewell to all those stupid webpages put up by poeple who haven't a clue about design or style, or for cryin' out loud what actually fits on a page!

Farewell to all those endless whore-chics, zen-facists, goth-geeks, and closet-freaks who all wanna be my friend for some reason or another.

Goodbye to all that digital vomit! Good riddance.

That Sinking Feeling

I had the scariest dream just as I drifted to off to sleep on Tuesday night. It was very brief but so scary I literally shook myself awake and out of it.

As I slept, all of a sudden I saw myself on the stern of a cruise ship as a large stormy wave washed over the ship. Not a tidal wave but still a huge wave. It toppled the ship and next thing I saw the stern going down, like the Titanic. I was no in the water and sinking into unknown dark murky depths. I was free falling in the blackness of the water and all I could see where my arms extending into the darkeness in front of me and feeling sick with fear. I was terrorfied and thinking I'm going to die and what will happen to my body. It will sink to the bottomless depths and be eaten by fish. The fear overcame me so intensely that I started shaking myself awake. It was like trying desperately to wake from a drug induced sleep. I kept shaking my head and finally I came out of it. I was awake! And I was alive. But I was a bit shaken.

I told RoboPapi about it the next day and he said it was all symbolic. Lately I have a lot of friends in my cirlce who are going through some really bad stuff in their lives. I guess I feel like everyone around me is suffering. Plus we are going on a cruise next week. That all makes sense I suppose, but I don't like the idea of being so horrifically filled with fear like being in the situation of a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean with no chance of survival.